So it looks like Justin Timberlake will be playing Harvey Dent in a prequel to The Dark Knight. Trust me, my sources would never lie. Because c’mon, why would a guy I knew from high school who knows a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy who thinks he saw Christopher Nolan at an NBA game not be right?
So after long cocaine fueled nights trying to figure out a story for a third Batman movie, the producers decided that that just wasn’t going to work. So they decided to explore the origins of other characters from the franchise. At first they were going to go with a Lucius Fox prequel detailing his career as a helicopter pilot in Vietnam. Morgan Freeman was ready and Robert Zemeckis was ready to step in as director. But after a test with the motion capture technology, Mr. Freeman decided that he did not like acting with tiny balls all over his face. So he decided to step down.
The producers panicked, what where they going to do? The billion dollars they made on The Dark Knight wasn’t going to last forever, they needed more money to fund their expensive yacht collecting hobby. So they went on IMDB and looked at who else was in the movie. They scrolled down and saw Harvey Dent. So they called up Aaron Eckhart and pitched the film to him. He said yes. But quickly after they realized that they didn’t really like spending the money on make-up to make Dent look five years younger. So they instead decided to pitch the idea to Justin Timberlake. After being so impressed with his performance in The Love Guru, they knew he was the right man. Maybe they left Aaron Eckhart crying himself to sleep every night for a month, but who cares about that guy?
So the film, which will be titled Harvey Dent : The Beginning of Five Years Ago, will focus on Harvey Dent when he was 33 and running a pizza joint in lower Gotham. After Poison Ivy got all her ivy on his place, causing nobody to want to go there anymore, he knew he had to do something. In a pivotal scene of foreshadowing, Dent will accidentally spill pizza sauce on half his face. But most importantly, JT will pull double-duty with both the film and the soundtrack. He’s already begun work in the studio on the hot new single “Put a Dent in Your Sex Life”.