Actor, dreamboat, Oscar host, author, self-effacer, professor and now video artist. Is there anything James Franco can't do? Probably not, but here's a suggestion to what he at least should consider before becoming David Blaine's apprentice.
Charlie Sheen's replacement on Two and a Half Men
The past, I don't know…25 years have proven that Martin's son (not Emilio) has difficulty consuming things that don't contain alcohol, cocaine or venereal diseases. Of course, this has only postponed the production of his ever-popular CBS show. The Applebee's/John Mayer crowd are going to lose it! But Mr. Franco can certainly step in and bring his usual charm. The stoner uncle! Can't you just see it?
Republican Presidential Candidate
Bobby Jindal? Mitt Romney? Do I have to even mention the snowmobile lady? Yeesh! The party is going to have to hope for a country singer to run or something. If Franco threw has hat in the ring though they could have a shot. Of course, he'd have to be busy not doing poetry n' shit and focusing on the stimulus, but look at his sideways smile!
Beats Obama any day of the week.
He could assume an alternate identity known as Frankie James. His work would probably be more on the Mr. Brainwash side of things; all his “art” could be pictures of him with dicks drawn on various parts of his face. It's all of a piece!
Justin Bieber's Public Enemy
If the Bieb wants more street-cred, he's going to need to start a feud with someone in the music industry. Being that he would shit his pants at actually having beef with Ghostface Killah or T.I., it's best to do it with a movie star. Obviously the two of them need more media attention too.
With The King's Speech's inevitable Best Picture victory on Sunday, it's safe to say that overcoming a stutter is so hot right now. Every time you shout “I have a voice!” Franco could reaffirm you with his stoner-giggle rendition of “Yes you do.”
Because the one in my class has waaaaaaaaay too thick of a French accent.
Pitchfork Music Critic
Because if the dreamy James Franco said that Mumford and Sons suck, my friends would finally agree.
And finally, the best one. Who better to offer his opinions on a Comic-Con video blog about how a B-List actor claims that the sequel to a reboot of a movie based on a board game is “really about the characters”? Sure, he's not 300 pounds, bearded, spectacled, smelly, socially-challenged or a fan of middle-of-the-road romantic comedies released Fox Searchlight, but we can make him. One of us! One of us!